So, I was coaching this week, and together with my ‘coachee’ we were reflecting on the incremental changes she has felt over the months we have worked together. Although at times the change hasn’t felt huge, what each small realisation and adjustment has done, is enable everything, most days, to become easier, clearer, ‘in flow’.

When she said ‘in flow’ an old metaphor for coaching came to mind. In fact a metaphor for what, I think all of us who are working to improve ourselves do. It involves heavy ice, a river, and an ice pick….

The metaphor is beautifully explained in one of my favourite books – ‘The Space Within‘ by Michael Niell. And in the next few minutes I will attempt to paraphrase it….

So, here’s the story…. in your minds eye see a river, a beautiful river but completely iced over. Under the shiny ice the river is flowing, always, without pause. You have a feeling that the beautiful river, flowing underneath is an ever flowing eternal wellbeing and wisdom. Some kind of energy source that flows through us all, deep within – some call it the universal mind.

This river of ‘wisdom and wellbeing’ has been within us always, flowing. But as we grow up, our thinking, our experiences, they all ice the river over. Covering it, obscuring it. And we learn how to push and shove and navigate a precarious ice road.

We forget how to flow, and be carried along.

As we work on ourselves, and especially when we go through a coaching process, we can imagine we are going down to that river bank regularly, and we hack away at the ice, attempting to free the river. We find new and wonderful ways to break it up, to disband it, to take off chunks. Slowly we begin to change the structural build up of the ice, but it still refreezes every night, slowly reforming, covering over the river. (Old ways of thinking, habits, they die hard!)

Sometimes it is frustrating and difficult. Sometimes it is fun and exciting. Some days you break away a huge chunk – and the river flows through it, and even helps you, it carries away other chunks slowly thawing the ice and carrying it downstream melting it back to water again and forming part of the flow from which it first came. Then, gradually, more and more chunks break off. And the river begins to work for you. Until the river flows freely, easily.

And that is the moment where my lovely client now finds herself, right now she has released so much ice back into the river that the river is working for her, supporting her, carrying her. Things are easier.

That may change one day again, because everything does, but for now, her work has improved her experience of life. And now she knows where to go and how to find that ‘flow’ once more.

So I thank Michael Niell, this concept has been so helpful, especially when I, or my coachees feel they may have gone backwards (as inevitably we all do) …… because ‘the Space Within’, is the space within us all….. and is, indeed the wisdom of the river under the ice.

(This is part of my 20 minute writing practice. I write for 20 minutes, check for typos, choose a pic if I’ve time – and press send! you can find out more here)

Glastonbury is a place of incongruent congruence. An audacious variety of supposedly conflicting communities, in complete harmony and acceptance. A temporary fairyland, but one where real humans, with all their troubles and faux pas – just be.

Just be. Without fear of judgement. 

There are Hare Krishna teachings, Christian scholars, full on techno, adult LGBTQ clubs, heavy rock, rock and roll, standard pop, hip hop, grime, laughing workshops, Buddhist meditation, folk, classical violinists, circus, African dance, punk, comedians, politicians……. I just cannot write it all out. So. Much. Variety. 

All. All. All…. 

….’Accepting The Other’ in this suspended realm of the festival. 

I heard no criticism 

….(well, apart from for Boris Johnson and Prince Andrew who were not present as far as I know)  

I heard no judgment of others there, despite a huge disparity of beliefs, styles, background.

And I’ve been pondering, can that style of community permeate out into the world and create something tangibly positive? Can all of us take something of this sense of acceptance and openness out into our worlds? 

Here’s how I think we might….

I am now, in Vietnam, working more on catching my judgements. Judgements will come. Always. As I, like you, am human. 

We think – therefore we judge. 

But to notice our judgements is key. To say to ourselves – ah! There is a judgement. I am judging right now! And then, to look for the humanity in those we are passing judgement on. 

Because all humans, at our very core, are good. We are calm. We want peace and love (cue Ringo Starr!) and in that way – we are the SAME. 

However, our thinking patterns, our experiences, our assumptions and our judgements leave us blindsided. Somehow that is opened up at Glastonbury Festival. 

200,000 people seemed able to suspend their over-thinking and just be for 5 days. 

To suspend the impact of our thinking, more frequently, will enable us to be more open, more caring, more compassionate, and create more meaningful connections. Perhaps you could try to catch a judgment you have today, and replace it with acceptance and love. 

Ok, cheesiness over now! Have a great weekend – in peace and love, love and peace, peace and love (Ringooooooo Starrrrrrrr….) 

This is part of my 20 minute writing practice, I sit down, write for 20 minutes, stop. check for typos. and press send! Ok, timer is on….

“…..So I have recently been thinking g a lot about the reality that we “are living in the experience of our thinking” – and noticing thoughts. Which to put strength in. Which to dismiss. Which to pay attention to. 

I read a report last year that explains we have well over 6000 thoughts a day. Nothing we can do about it. The flow of thought will come, it’s seemingly unstoppable. Mostly unconsciously we are often paying attention to a thought, feeling the reaction and acting accordingly before we have really articulated it to ourselves or others that that is what we are doing. 

Actually in some ways this is Very clever! And very useful sometimes. But sometimes not so useful. Perhaps more often than not it is detrimental to our well-being. 

What I am also coming to understand (and by that I mean not only intellectually, reading it, gaining the knowledge, hearing people say it – but actually have the ‘realisation’) is that there is a ……..space between…….

A space. 

Where naturally there appears to be an easier wisdom.

A sense. 

A tuning into something true. 

As I heard Michael Niell say once – our very best ideas will often come in moments of a quiet mind. I find that to be true in myself, and in my clients. 

So – Glastonbury? Where does that come in? 

I have been finding ways to allow my thoughts to flow, to be, to come through, notice them, BUT, not worry too much about them. 

I know I will never stop them, but also i don’t want to always give them too much power over my experience of any moment and also over my actions. 

So, while pondering this and wondering through the maze of Glastonbury the most wonderful magical glorious……

📣📣✨✨🎪🎪🤹‍♂️🤹‍♂️ ‘THE TENT OF ALL THOUGHTS!’….. 📣📣✨✨🎪🎪🤹‍♂️🤹‍♂️ 

appeared as if by magic into my mind. This enormous big top is the most incredible art installation (in my imagination!). All full of …

rage, 

ease, 

calm, 

crazy, 

calamity, 

catastrophe, 

excitement, 

fun, 

colour and stories!! 

Oh so many stories! 

Seriously way. To. Many assumptions I make up 🫣🙈😆

And I have started to use this ‘tent of all thought’ a few times a day.

There is an animated ringmaster at the doorway calling all thoughts to ‘come on in – explore!’ 

As thoughts come in they are called to –

‘please! Come in! To just be, in the tent, with all the other thoughts! please feel free to swirl around, and create and cause magical wonderful havoc! in this tent for all thoughts!”

And this analogy in my mind, has somehow enabled me to make more space. When I remember to open the tent.

It’s almost as if the right hand side of my brain is suddenly freer. Clearer. I find my confidence in that space. My calm. My sure and steady. 

I might even one day create my own tent of all thought at the festival myself! I’ll give Mr Eavis a call…..”

(This is part of my 20 minute writing practice. I write for 20 minutes, check for typos, choose a pic if I’ve time – and press send! you can find out more here)

Last weekend we all went to Glastonbury Festival. We danced until our knees were killing, sang until our throats hurt, and marvelled at the enormity of it all. 

I have begun to ponder what can be learned from such an experience. For us, as individuals and for the wider communities we live in. 

2 things come to mind and the first I will write here. Next time (in two weeks) I will write the second learning.

So, today in this piece, I hope it might remind you to just stop, look around, and find peace in what you already have right in front of you. 

When we found an appreciation, a presence, and a   s l o w i n g   d o w n  it made the experience SO much more enjoyable – as opposed to rushing between everything with a FOMO mindset! (might have been guilty of that too…ahem)

Then today, I was listening to Brenée Brown and she poses the age old question:

“If we are not satisfied with our life as a whole – does this mean we need to go and get or do other stuff that will make us satisfied? Or does this mean we need to stop taking for granted what we have, so that we can experience real contentment and enoughness?”

This is so relevant here. Before Glastonbury I was, if I am honest, already noticing an uneasiness that there would be “SO MUCH TO EXPERIENCE IN A SHORT SPACE OF TIME ARGHHHHH” – the idea we would be constantly missing something better. 

Then, of course, I was judging myself for having that feeling, unimpressed with myself when intellectually I know better. And knowing how incredibly LUCKY we were to be going to what is one of the greatest shows on earth! 

Oh dear….. The human experience can be so convoluted (!) 

But, it was a huge lesson for all of us. There is nothing better than learning through experience eh? And Glastonbury was a wonderful analogy for the rest of life. 

We all noticed, when we were frantic, desperate to see or do something coming up, we were torn, distracted, unsatisfied, rushed. 

In the lead up to those events we were always one eye on the clock, judging how long left and we had how far we had to go, rather than really looking and enjoying what was in front of us. Which was more often than not something quite magical.

Is this not always true?? The answer is stop taking for granted what we already have. We have enough. Experience it, and experience presence and the resulting calm, contentment and satisfaction that we are here, and we are alive. There is magic in that. 

So, here I am again, another 2 weeks has passed and I find myself at my desk – timer on. 

“When I post anything, write anything, even say things out loud sometimes – I find these filters incredible useful:

Is it Kind? 

Is it Necessary?

Is it Useful?

(you can see me explain more about these in this video)

I have been wanting to write about coaching. And I wondered if that might be a little self serving, so haven’t until now…

But, I’ve had to check it….is it Kind? Necessary? Useful? 

The answer is yes. In fact coaching, as a service for people, is KIND, NECESSARY AND USEFUL. 

But so often seemingly inaccessible to so many. It often has a feel of being a service to the privileged. 

I am on a bit of a mission to change that. Because powerful coaching changes lives. 

As many of you will know by now, I am playing with a variety of ideas to make coaching more available and affordable for everyone, in every walk of life. It’s part of a wider aim to ‘normalise’ coaching – like so many other services we access —— “I have a sore tooth, I go to the dentist” – “I need a haircut I find a hairdresser”  –  “I want to change something, I go to a coach”. 

My coaching is more affordable than an NHS dentist, it’s around the same price as a family cinema ticket, it’s cheaper than most haircuts! And has a powerful and uplifting impact on your life.

It astounds me what creating space with a coach can do. The benefits of coaching are HUGE. I have proof:

The difference these women below have created for themselves is amazing, and a direct result of accessing space with a coach. 

Because that is all coaching is, a space where you can think better, all I do is facilitate your thinking, to allow you to find the right answers. Because more often than not, you already know them. Working out how to be more resourceful, calm, present, and better communicators generates big changes in your life. 

These women have done exactly that: 

An accountant I worked with has gone from feeling ‘like a timid snail’ at work, unable to speak up even in small meetings, to now facilitating online workshops, securing a new role in her company, and speaking at an event with 300 people present. Over a few months her confidence has soared. She now believes in herself, and her capabilities.

A wonderful 3rd year student who came to me in February on the verge of leaving uni, feeling unable to cope with the pressures of the final year. 3 months later, she told me that the change in her is “beyond huge, I have made amazing progress – my achievement in my work is beyond my wildest dreams” (folks – she just got the highest mark EVER given on her course for her dissertation – which will now be published!). 

I completed a 6 month engagement last week with a wife, mother of 3, and a primary school teacher who felt ‘like a crushed woman’ back in December. She came to coaching exhausted and looking find energy to be more motivated, find joy and set an example to her children of togetherness, discipline and care. And it has worked. She is (and I am) beyond proud of what she has achieved, and the steadiness and contentment she now can find within her, even in the most stressful situations. 

I am often in awe of the power that holding a coaching space can open in people.

And I want to make sure everyone is able to access coaching and bring about change for the better. These are just one of a number of stories….see what people have written about coaching on my reviews here.

So – Kind? yes because if anyone reads this and has a coaching session with me it will be a free initial session. (I always offer those here) 

Necessary? Yes, because coaching enables people to be better human beings. 

Useful? Yes because you may not have realised my coaching is less than a family cinema ticket or haircut – So it is affordable! 

So, if you have been thinking about doing some work with me, then please do book a free coaching session to get a flavour of what is possible. 

You never know what you are capable of.

Ooooh this one took me 26 minutes!! (ooops!) 

Have a wonderful Weekend Folks

Joey x

`

This is part of my 20 minute writing practice. I start the timer, write for 20 minutes, stop. Check for typos and press ‘publish’…. You can learn more on my post “A Little Inspiration” on the 4th of March.

Timer is on….

“So, I have sat for a few moments, cleared my mind and asked – ‘what will be useful, kind and necessary to write about today?’

And I listened for an answer….

Listening…..

Ooooh….

Something around Listening.

Yes listening! I am so in awe right now of how powerful listening is! I can write about this…

My coaching practice has shown me the power of listening time and again, but also outside in relationships, as parents, at work. True listening is truly wonderful.

For me there are a number of reasons I have learned why this is: it brings about calm; it makes people more bright and inventive; and it allows people to feel valued. 

I’m wondering if you believe me and are asking for evidence….

Honestly, Listening is magical. 

I shall explain….

Firstly, I have often in my workshops used a Closed Eye exercise that involve simply listening to a piece of paper falling to the floor. I stand in the centre of a circle of the group. First I let go of an A4 size piece of paper and let it drop, then I tear it in half, then quarters, then eights, dropping a smaller and smaller piece – each time asking people to raise their hand when they hear it land. 

Sometimes the tiniest piece of paper can be heard as it gently floats and lightly taps the floor beneath. This process has a magical ability to calm everyone participating. It require focus, stillness, and calm. Then we listen to all we can hear: within us, within the room, and beyond the room….and the silence, and lack of it, brings about calm, peace, ease. 

It’s magic and beautiful to experience as a group.

Secondly, when you consciously listen you receive all the person speaking has to say. It is almost like meditation. Pause, look, hear, absorb…. the ‘sender’ or ‘speaker’, or ‘thinker’ and you will give them something – they benefit on two levels:

One – the feeling of being truly heard is so valuable. Someone listening, just for listening’s sake, will accept all that is being ‘sent’ our spoken. The listener will wait until the speaker has finished (NO interruptions), then will summarise what has been said, check it, and allow the speaker to say anything they felt wasn’t quite right. 

Just that process in itself gives great value.

AND secondly – that process – it actually makes space for the speaker to THINK BETTER. The lister allows space for ‘speaking out to think out’. 

People who are being truly listened to become more resourceful, more able to be creative, explorative, and often therefore find solutions themselves, which, so fantastically, can deepen and strengthen self reliance and confidence. 

Listening is magic. 

Truly listening. 

Being Heard is magic.

Truly being heard.

I will practice it today – I invite you to as well –

Even if only to what you can hear, right now”

Time is up, I’ll write again in two weeks x

This is part of 20 minute writing practice – I set the timer, see what comes to my mind, write for 20 minutes, stop writing, check for typos, add a photo, and post .

This week – if you haven’t time to read then you can just skip to the end bullets to remind yourself of ways to find calm….

Timer is set…

“Well this week I find myself with a feeling of MANY THINGS TO DO. The thoughts crept up before I had really noticed them. And by then a knotting in my stomach, a tightness in my chest, and it was too late – an old negative pattern was ignited – I’m on high alert, this driven, crazy driven Joey – addicted to my to do list and timetable as if nothing else matters!

So, on Tuesday I really found myself questioning, like so many of my clients – can I do all of this without stress? Can I get perspective again? Do I do too much? Why don’t I get enough done? I’m sure you’re familiar with the pattern….. 😉

I decided to make a different type of bucket list (a practice I have done with some of the wonderful people I work with coaching them) – let’s see what ‘buckets’ (areas of your life) you are navigating right now. So…

• I am a wife and mother and all the time that takes and the tasks it involves. 

• I spend time everyday in coaching sessions or facilitating workshops.

• I am a daughter, sister, friend

• I facilitate and coordinate project work in Nepal, on zoom, or deep in paperwork.

• I sing in a duo with my husband.

• I play rugby with an amazing team of women and I manage, and first aid at my son’s rugby squad

What I think we, and by that I mean my friends, co-workers and my clients – mostly women between the ages of 25-55 – we don’t realise how much we actually have to do. 

How our lives are filled with many many MANY important things. 

I wonder, looking back on this period of our lives when we are lucky enough to be old- will we look back in awe and ponder – how on earth did we manage that?! 

Finding Calm, Sure and Steady.

SO…..I do have some ways to find calm when I start to panic about making sure I can do everything well enough at the time I need to. 

And perhaps – as I have 3 minutes left – they may be helpful to list – and useful to you, dear reader:

– I take time just a moment in the morning to breathe deeply. If only for one minute – I tend to look at something, breathe deeply and see what beauty I can find. This helps to calm you and allow you to find perspective.

– I find my ‘Have Done’ list more helpful and healthy than my ‘to do’ list. I list what I’ve actually done throughout days when I feel I am not accomplishing enough and the pressure of that.

-I do sport – any kind of sport. Running, yoga, meeting my team at rugby has been amazing this year for finding calm and strength. When I really do prioritise and make myself, even if it is just 15 minutes, then my days just goes better. Every time. The physiological and psychological impact of that is overwhelmingly positive.

– If I cannot do sport, then I have a cold shower which makes me more present and clear. (and awake!) 

– If I cannot do any of those things at all, I can keep doing anything I am doing, BUT I have a practice where I can just ‘notice’ in any given moment. Notice – the feel of the keyboard now on my fingertips. Notice  -the sun on the windowsill in the corner of my eye. Notice – I can feel love, happiness, by remembering a memory where I laughed out loud. Notice – ah, the timer going off today! 20 minutes is up. 

And I know there are many more things that might be useful when you begin to feel the overwhelm of 

too. many. things. to. do. arghhhh!!!! 

Just remember what you can do. Be realistic and savour what you have actually done. Because I bet you anything – you have done plenty already today. It all depends on how you look at it.”

This is part of a 20 minute regular writing practice. I put the timer on. Write whatever comes to me, until the timer goes off. I check it for typos and any major sentence errors! And then I post it. It feels brave… 

And today – well it’s full of rubbish…

(If you would like to know more about this then you can check out my post from  the 4th of March when it all began…)

Ok, timer is on…

“Pause.

As I haven’t thought much about what I might write today. So I am pausing and listening to what might come up……

……Something that is coming to mind – is my mind! The thoughts that occur all. the. time. Those I focus on affect my experience of any given moment. If you have coached with me you will know that ‘Noticing’ is a practice I have worked on – sometimes consistently – sometimes not! Recently I have. And it always pays off. I remember there is the possibility to improve my experience of any given moment. 

This morning is a good example…..

Perhaps a slightly mundane one (!warning!). Seagulls had pulled apart the rubbish bag we had put out for collection last night. Pretty much the whole bag strewn across our driveway. At 7am our daughter comes into our room tell us this has happened. Yawn.

And, I think (yes…my thinking) “oh no, I’m sleepy still, I’m warm in bed, I’m going to get dirty, it’s a hard job, it’s cold outside, I want to ignore it, why did they have to do it to our rubbish not someone else’s?” etc. …and begin feel a bit miserable about it …. 

Then I caught that initial (and perfectly natural) response in the beginning of my thinking. 

I caught those thoughts. I noticed them and their impact. 

At that point I could have then easily criticised myself – “why are you so hopeless at being positive, why haven’t you learned to embrace everything yet?” yet more thoughts…. blah bla bla ….and still felt would have felt miserable.

But, a third option – In the moment I could choose thoughts to focus on respond I imagined how I would feel once it was done, – pretty good. Then I suggested to myself to think of 2 things positive about the rubbish all over our driveway. 

“Wow! We live by the sea, this is a small price to pay for living by the sea and seagulls are amazing (if they’re called Jonathan ;0)) AND (bearing in mind I have worked in Nepal and India a lot and carried rubbish to a hole by the river) – “Thank goodness we have rubbish collection here that is pretty efficient, and they haven’t come yet so we have time to collect it up.” A little forced thoughts… but a little more positive too… and a possibility of improving the experience.

But this is the key part: In reality either way we were going to do it anyway – and quickly before the bin van came. So either I do it and be grumpy or I do it and enjoy it. I did the latter – LITERALLY CHANGING THE EXPERIENCE of a situation that is exactly the same – however I experience it.  

In reality – it was good! It was early morning teamwork with my husband – together. We got outside in the fresh air early (lovely) we were more awake and had achieved something before we’d sipped our morning coffee in bed. And we laughed at the sheer amount of mess a small creature can make!

I have had a similar situation where I continued to feel negative. My thinking? it was pretty much  “Bloody hell, mouldy muck on my fingers, this is rubbish, flipping seagulls, so much work always, too much to do for this”….etc and felt miserable and it was a rubbish (excuse the pun) start to my day. 

But today – I just changed my thinking, so changed the experience, and as a result the whole outset of the day. And it’s been a good’n!

The experience of my life, every moment, is completely tied into my thoughts. As are your experiences.

You can literally change the experience of any given situation, whatever the experience might be” 

I am writing this today, as part of my new practice of writing for exactly 20 minutes only, checking for any typos, and posting. My aim is that I can build a small body of work that is perhaps helpful for my past, present and future clients to read. And turns out this piece, may have you become super-beings working magic…!

Okay, 20 minutes, timer is on: ….

“In the UK today it is April Fool’s day. A day for trickery… We play tricks and fool people into thinking something is happening that isn’t.

So can I trick you today? Actually as I ponder this I realise that I can trick myself. 

All the time. 

Because, as those of you that have worked with me will know that a sentence I often say is ‘What we think and what we feel is all that actually exists isn’t it?” If so, we get to have conjure up our own reality like magic – don’t we?” 

There are two quotes around this – the first is on a post-it note on my wall – 

Einstein’s “Reality is an illusion….albeit a very persistent one” 

and another is “Change your thoughts, Change the world”…. (I will have to check after the timer who said that!). 

Creating reality is powerful, but, to change the world you have to change your thoughts into actions don’t you? And usually you have to ‘persistently’ change those thoughts and actions to make reality ‘persistently an illusion’? 

So considering both of these while I write…. perhaps life is tomfoolery and trickery every single day, in a million ways, with as many different people who have the ability to think and magic up reality. We think therefore we are? (oh dear another quote….!) We only exist in the ‘experience of our thinking’. (that, I think might be Michael Neill)

well, the timer is ticking towards 20 minutes and I have started pondering the very existence of truth!

Ok…. it might be ‘true’ we create our own reality.

If so – it is almost the ultimate power to play with, and holds the strength to in turn, to generate positive impact. If you so wish. (depending on what you choose is ‘positive’ – oh no, this could get complicated…)

So I guess there are two threads to this writing today 

• if we can have power over reality then we can change our experience of life, how we feel, how we manage each day, each choice, each relationship. 
• if we can have power of reality then we can have greater impact on our community, our society and the wider world. 

Maybe we are actually magicians! Are we really able harness the power of our thoughts to indeed change the world? Of course we are! Just look at what people create in the world – tidal waves of impact, both negative and positive. But the key is to BELIEVE your thoughts – for them to actually be the ‘truth’. 

So how can you shift your thinking? Change your thoughts? And make changes? 

My answer comes as I write through this today …..I realise my most successful, impactful times are when I notice what I am actually thinking first. Because I may have many thoughts that come and go and I take action before I have really ‘thought’ about it at all!! I expect you never do that dear reader…. do you……

So for me….

It’s about Noticing. 

Being present with those thoughts. 

Allowing thoughts to come and go, then playing with them, adjusting them, noticing which ones carry more ‘truth’ – and how? Which ones I choose to give my attention to.

Making space to do that feels important. And taking action from those ‘truths’ is when I manage to create better, kinder, impact.

(Which basically I make up of course – don’t I? – do you?)”

food for fool’s thoughts….

Wishing you a fun April Fools folks…

(Honestly, the timer went off at “Allowing thoughts to come and go….” but I continued a couple more minutes….)