What Circular Walks Have Taught me this Summer

We’ve all heard – “life is what you make it”. Our perspectives are everything. But often, it is hard truly believe. We get into a habit of thinking life is largely out of our control, or, if it is within our control, then we berate ourselves for making a mess of it. 

This summer I have been house sitting in Cornwall. I spotted a book of Circular Walks in Cornwall on the windowsill, and immediately loved it. I’ve managed to do several of them in the last few weeks. 

On one this week, I found myself in a wooded valley that was NOT on the map I thought I was following… lost again! ……but, somehow, the softness of the air, the dappled sunlight, and the sound each step made beneath my feet caused me to slow right down. Find ease, awe, peace and a settled sensation took over for a while listening to my footsteps.

It occurred to me these circular walks can represent life, and how we humans take the pilot seat and navigate our way through this one, precious one we have. And here, I find a good example of ‘life is indeed what you make of it’.

Si in exploration of the view that what we think and feel is the only reality there is – I tested it.

These two experiences of walks I have had give a flavour of the power of my approach ….

Before you read them, bear in mind, it’s Cornwall. Rugged, wild, serene, beautiful, with clear poverty and clear affluence, there’s mud, dust, sand, grassland, wildly tropical looking plants, woodland, scrubland, old tin mine architecture, rolling hills, sheer cliffs, rockpools, a million brassicas and cows, pubs, shops, busy beaches, deserted beaches, and pasties. It is hugely varied. (ahem….like life?!) 

So….I present:

• Exhibit A) 

A ‘feeling things are hard’ day – a negative approach, uncomfortable and unhappy with myself, and my life:

“I have a map, a phone with a map, lunch, water, people, and my brain – so WHY do I keep taking wrong turns? Why do I end up here? Just make the journey harder and longer? I’m so stupid. And no bloody signal on my phone!! ARGHH now I can’t work out where I am!!! I’ll have to walk for hours. Urgh.

Oh No! the weather has turned, I just don’t have the right stuff, it’s pouring, no raincoat, it’s sunny, no sunhat. Why did I travel light? – how stupid! Now I am suffering!!! 

Darn, there are people ahead –– urgh they are so slow! I can’t get past …..what must they think of me stomping though? They probably think I’m idiot. Oh I really just want this place all to myself, can’t deal relating with others, they’ll think I’m an idiot. Which I am. Urgh.  

And why did I choose a circular walk? I must come back to the same place. My old car, in a car park I spent too much money on. Oh, I’m miserable, I’ve caused this because I chose this, life goes round and round in bloody trudging circles. I’m such an idiot.”

…..Etc etc

• Exhibit b) 

A positive approach, tuning into a sense of gratitude, ok in myself, and with my life – even the bits I judge to be apparently unsurpassably hard. I’m present, and taking action. This is ok, I am ok. 

“Oh it’s so SO good I know where I am coming back to. I’ve my lovely car, contributing to the local Parish Council who maintain it well. I can get somewhat lost, I can explore. I have support in place – map, phone, people on route, water, a delicious packed lunch I can’t wait to eat. And I know that the car won’t be far away. I can come back to it if the walk is too much.

…..Oh again? I took a wrong turn again? Thank goodness I did because now I am here. Look up! What can I see and hear?….

Eeeeesh and I’ve phone signal. Well, actually, it gives me more peace, shows me I am just fine on my own. AND it means I get to explore more, following my intuition, and see things more – look towards the long view so I can get my bearings. 

I am so lucky because it’s lighter and easier I travelling light. Oh – no- I think it is RAINING!  Erm…. I have shorts and a vest on. Shit. Ok…. no, it’s ok. Look for a tree Joey. Laugh at looking a bit drowned. 

Pause, 

watch the droplets fall all around. 

This is ok.

I can wait it out under this ancient steady tree, 

or get soaked and dry out later.

It’s all ok. 

Oh look – people are ahead! I can smile and chat with them, engage with the wonderful folk who too, are valuing this walk and on a similar path. I wonder what information we can share, and what else we may exchange meeting fleetingly. 

Oooh I loved her story; 

I’m grateful for his directions; 

…….and their dog is so cute…..” 

…….Etc etc

Quite a difference eh? 

I know you know this already – but do you really KNOW it? 

Interestingly after every single walk I’m pleased I completed it. Glad I saw it through. But – when I haven’t enjoyed them there’s been a hue of regret, and self-berating, that I didn’t make the most of it. 

I get all this does NOT feel like a choice much of the time. But there is truth here, if we practice really having faith in ourselves, if we know that we have all we need to be ok NO MATTER WHAT, then we can observe our responses, and we can adjust accordingly. As I am kind of doing here – by writing this out!

Sometimes practice days/months/years (eeeesh) and sometimes it can be the flick of a switch inside.

The trick I have found is working out the best way for me. 

Keeping going, no matter what. Moving forward and finding the best way that can create the best value, and best outcomes for everybody. 

I’ve learned not to underestimate the value of this type of learning – the moments when you can truly embody something you’ve heard, embedding it into your own life-state. It is then so much easier to USE the insight to the advantage of you, but therefore, inevitably, those around you. 

Even if sometimes it may take a while. 

Have patience, 

keep going, 

keep practicing.  

(This is part of my 20 minute writing practice. I write for 20 minutes, check for typos, choose a pic if I’ve time – and press send!)

We had a Coach’s Journey* team meeting this week. There is a lovely moment at the start of each meeting, as we begin with – “What has Inspired you this week?” Isn’t that a brilliant way to start a meeting?

Yesterday, Neil McKinnon’s answer was around “Keeping on Showing Up”. He was inspired by the possibility of what can happen when you just, keep on, showing up, doing your best, regularly, consistently. 

I realised that I noticed a sense of recognition in me, an acknowledging of myself too, for “showing up”, time and time again, day after day, over and over, moving forward, when sometimes a big part of me just wants to stop, give in.** And in that recognition I noticed an elevation of how I was. It was an ‘internal referencing’ – oh! Yes, that’s what I do!” It was an unintended moment of self-care. And I was grateful of myself, and to Neil, for igniting that. 

AND importantly, because I felt better, I did better work, creating better conditions for those around me, for the rest of the day.

And then I thought about my coaching clients and my amazing team at Freedom to Learn. Some of whom are facing excruciatingly difficult circumstances, ones that could crush any of us. Yet time and again, they put in the work, they reignite their belief, they strengthen themselves, and they move forward more successfully. And leave me inspired of what we humans are capable of.

A perfect example came just this morning – I felt a surge of appreciation for a wonderful SEN Teaching Assistant I coach. During our conversation she came to a similar acknowledgement in herself – she went from self berating, doubting and feeling frustrated (old pattern) to a recognition that, actually, all this half-term she has been committing, turning up, every day of the week, doing her best, and not giving up. She found appreciation in herself (new pattern), and felt lighter, positive and more at ease with herself and therefore more ready and happy to embrace the day’s work.

So the learning? Maybe, just maybe…..

 to truly appreciate and look after yourself, is to look after and truly appreciate those around you too

-Neil noticed it in himself, helping me notice it in me. 

-My client noticed in herself, and then noticed it in her colleagues and her students.

And who knows the ripple effects from just those two tiny examples……

Perhaps you can take a moment, right now, and appreciate something in you that you know you have done, or are doing, that is positively contributing to the world around you. There will be something. And truly, feel grateful and appreciative for your efforts.

That’s it, time’s up!

*You can find out more about The Coach’s Journey Team of hosts here

**I am in the midst of navigating hugely challenging life transition you can hear a little about it here in my interview with Robbie Swale.

I am very excited to be part of this! 

I haven’t been writing or posting publicly recently. I’ve been coaching in my private practice, and facilitating exciting projects in Nepal. But this, well this is worth posting…..

It’s the new phase of The Coach’s Journey Podcast. And I am honoured to be one of the presenters invited onto the fab new team by Robbie Swale.

Anyone intrigued to listen to explorative, insightful, and very human conversations…. Here’s a great place to delve.

This new episode is introducing the new team, and explaining the change of format, so it may be a little alien for those of you not already listeners. But ……still you may enjoy listening to Robbie’s explanation of how we got here, and be curious to meet us all! 

If you’re new to the podcast, you can start delving into the archives of over 50 episodes. We all choose favourites, and they are linked in the show notes.

And, you can start listening to our wonderful new interviews coming up in the new year. We have a variety of fascinating guests who we will be exploring with.

In The Coach’s Journey Podcast, you find a vault of humanity, wisdom and openness in conversations that carry real integrity. Robbie, his guests, and now our team of presenters offer a huge amount for listeners to enjoy and learn from. 

I give you…..

The Coach’s Journey Podcast

Enjoy!

(This is part of my 20 minute writing practice. I write for 20 minutes, check for typos, choose a pic if I’ve time – and press send! you can find out more here)

Ok, back to writing practice first time since November…breath…and timer on….   

“It seems to me that working through hard transitions in life is exhausting. And there is no moving away from the tiringness of it all. The endless considerings and thinkings. The decisions to be made, both small and immediate, as well as seemingly huge and long term. And the impact of them all.

The transition I have been navigating seems to have become a full time job in itself. Being a mother is central, and learning to also take care of myself well enough to do that, with all the love and careful care needed – for everyone. Then I also have 3 roles in my working life, and steering through these can feel overwhelming. What to prioritise, when, who, how…..

There has been tremendous fear at play. Constant evaluation of what is true, how to trust myself, – even if to trust myself at all. (Hence writing this is just a bit scary! – but keeping going…. doing it anyway…)

And, through it all, coaching has been a constant source of accessing an assuredness. 

Something steady, 

something within me to draw on. 

Continuing my own coaching support has been an essential way of making space to really listen to an inner knowing. A steadiness within me that I can find and sit with for a while. 

Opening a space for listening can bring such wonder. 

And when I am coach, sitting with a client, I never cease to be in awe of the amount of learning we do together, in partnership. Together we journey through the experiences of being human in what can seem a very complex and turbulent world is quite something. 

I was intrigued that what was most important to those who contacted me after writing about accessible coaching was exactly that – to make coaching an accessible service for everyone wherever possible.

My coaching currently covers a number of continents, working with teachers in Nepal, and across to a mother of 6 in Canada and those in between. The work that my clients do in coaching, positively impacts their families, friends and communities as a whole. By me, holding a space for that small amount of people, they go on and support others. 

And that is what every good coach does.

All my Spring Forward offer places are now full. Due to the response and in the spirit of making coaching fair and accessible for everyone (and making the world a better place of course!) I am keeping the fee the same as the Spring offer, for anyone who wants to coach with me this year. I am full right now but will have space after Easter. 

And please remember my offer at the end of my blog posts is always there – if you know anyone who can’t pay at this point for coaching but would benefit enormously from it at this time – please get in touch. 

My own coaches are Katie Harvey and Robbie Swale. I don’t seem to have the vocabulary to express the difference their coaching presence has made in my life to write here. But I couldn’t be more grateful. 

There are many good coaches out there, and many more people who would hugely benefit from their practice. I know some wonderful coaches who are changing lives for the better. If we are not a good fit, there will be a coach out there who is, and I can always point you to them!”

It’s scary for me posting these again! ….aaaand I must admit I went over time on this one ….but I am getting back to a regular writing practice, something consistent…. 

Practice. 

We become what we practice – and we are always practicing something 

(Help me Robbie Swale – who said that?! It is full of truth….) 

(This is part of my 20 minute writing practice. I write for 20 minutes, check for typos, choose a pic if I’ve time – and press send! you can find out more here)

Ok, timer on….

Energy has been playing it’s part in my life lately, with my own daily experience and that of my client’s.

‘Energy’ or, it’s absence, has come to the fore as a significant, if not one of the the key components to wellbeing. 

As part of my work I have spent time experimenting with varied breathing techniques, from my Dramatherapy, my singing, right through to Yoga and meditation. 

If you can make a little time – breathing is bloody wonderful! 

It can support you on a number of levels – if you are mindful of how you breath. Not the normal, unconscious shallow breathing you are doing right now, but mindful, conscious breathing. 

If you have a few minutes here is how: 

(Read until the end before you embark on this….)

Perhaps listen to one of the tracks I have listed below – or even all of them! My favoured Breathwork technique for energising, is lying down (if possible where you are!), somewhere where you won’t be disturbed for 5 – 10- 15 minutes or so. 

This type is a 3 part breath, 2 inhales and one exhale. The first inhale using the expansion of the abdomen and then the second inhale expanding the chest, and then breath out in one out breath. When you remember, keep the shoulders relaxed. Inhale and exhale through the mouth for a more energising impact, or through the nose if you want to take it easier.

This really is a fully somatic experience! And here is why…

The oxygen in your bloodstream, within about a minute of this technique, will reach your brain, which activates the pituitary gland and your hypothalamus which then begins to flood your brain and body with a mix of hormones, including endorphins. Within a quite a short space of time, your energy levels begin to rise. You will feel tingles or a numbness, sometimes around your face, or in the tips of your fingers, anywhere. Sometimes there can also be a release of emotion, just allow yourself to feel it. That’s ok and can be very beneficial to releasing tension or stress which is causing your energy to be low.

Trust the process. 

Keep breathing. 

And then after the time you set, hold the breath in for 40-60 seconds if you can, and then breath all the way out until your lungs are as empty as you can make them, and hold the out breath for 40-60 seconds. Then return to your regular breathing rhythm, but a little more mindfully. 

This is breathWORK. It is called work for a reason! It can be hard work! But keep going for the time you set, and you will begin to feel the benefits. 

If you have any questions please just email or whatsapp me. I would happily offer you a 20 minute breathwork session as a gift. 

If you are pregnant or have high blood pressure then make sure you check with your doctor before taking on any significant breathwork. Perhaps for now, listen to these tracks and just mindfully breath more deeply. 

And then notice. and enjoy the sensations and experience that arises. 

Until next time….

Joey is a fully qualified Theatre for Development Practitioner and Certified Strategic Intervention (SI) Coach under teachers Tony Robbins, Chloe Madanes, Mark Peysha and Magali Peysha, with 20 years experience in the field of facilitating, training and coaching.

(This is part of my 20 minute writing practice. I write for 20 minutes, check for typos, choose a pic if I’ve time – and press send! you can find out more here)

………………….

So, Here I am, writing once again with the timer on. And I’ve been pondering what might come to me that would be useful, kind or necessary and worth writing today…

I think it could be useful for me to explain a little about how coaching sessions bring about change for those we work with. As I’ve said before, wouldn’t it be wonderful if coaches became as normal as dentists – sore tooth? Go to the dentist, want to change something? Go to a coach. 

 ….. before I do though, it seems important to mention that I coach with an integral belief that whoever I’m working with already has the answer somewhere within them – or at least the capacity to work it out and know what to do. 

Inside you, and me, and everyone, is an inner knowing, a wisdom. And it is my job to support whomever I am working with to access that from within them, and bring it into focus.

In order to uncover this knowing, each coaching conversation, we work out together:

• What work we will do together, what question to explore or what change to bring about;

• How we will know we have done the work; what the indicators will be

• And how we are going to do that work….

And then, we crack on. 

A recent example for a session this week comes to mind …. A very capable and often calm lady, recently separated from her husband, has recently found her responses to others hard, prickly and difficult.

The work to do? was how to conjure a pause, a noticing, and then a calm and steadiness in a stressful situation. 

How would we know we had done the work? 

She wanted to feel a confidence in her ability that she can stop, and respond better when challenged.

How would we do it?

By tuning into how she would like to feel and experience these moments successfully. How she might respond if she could be exactly how she wished. To know exactly what that would be like, somatically, mentally, emotionally….

She realised that to practice noticing in the moment and knowing how to sense into a presence – even when faced with a rising anxiety or an external stressful situation would be the work. Finding presence. 

And so using applied drama techniques, visualisation and meditation in our call together she was able to access within her, and then embody the sensations, thoughts and experience of finding presence in the moments she needs. 

We then embedded this into a small external prompt, a necklace she wears, where she anchored that sensation of presence and calm. 

She left feeling calmer and more confident she could still be at ease, and kind, in stressful situations…. 

And …. 5 days later, today, she sent a voice note: she was faced with a harsh comment at home. In that moment, she felt her necklace, breathed deeply and sensed back into the experience she wanted to create. 

She said she was calm, and more gentle. 

She has managed this on a daily basis all week. 

It is a beginning, and she won’t manage it always (alas, still human are we all!) but it brings her comfort, and a sense of being in control, knowing that she can. 

The truth is, if she can make this a regular practice, she will reduce experiences of stress and anxiousness and increase sensations of confidence, calm and kindness. 

…. importantly, will then be able to respond with her calm wisdom. Which, by the way, was within her already. It was already there…. She had just covered it up…. 

Timer off…. 

I hope that might give you an idea of what a coaching call is like, and how it might support you or someone you know. 

Thanks for reading this far 😊✨ speak in two weeks x 

So, it’s bee a while. A month in fact! Too long. And I missed 2 Fridays in my writing commitment. (Read more about why I have a writing practice here) I’m wondering if that is ok, really ok. In those moments, when I didn’t bother writing, and I gave up on my commitment that day, I told myself it was ok. 

But, then, this week, I’ve been dipping into Robbie’s Swayle’s next, and enlivening read – “How to Keep Going When you want to Give Up”. And I realised, I was in danger of giving up writing again. And, I noticed, feeling just a little deflated and in the rumblings of failure about it. *

All August I have given myself good reasons (excuses perhaps) not to write ….. but delving into his second book this week has reminded me that I committed to this practice because….

I wanted to commit to something,

TO KEEP GOING at something.

TO KNOW – that I can be consistent.

Work my way out of a limiting belief that I can’t stick to anything.

To Be Consistent.** So here I am. Timer is on, and I am writing once again. Committing, and heading for consistency proof ….. and of course, attempting to forgive myself for slacking…. 

Now I am here though, I remember a whole host of reasons why it is important to find something small and manageable to be consistent with. Small steps. Baby steps. And then stage by stage watch it grow and build into something. This can be 15 minutes cleaning a day (see TOM) or reading 10 minutes a day until you finish a book. Or learning to play and instrument with 10 minutes practice a day.

Because, I begun to consider while writing this, that actually it is tangled up in self worth. I remember John Rogers found a good metaphor – We can imagine self worth as the water in a plastic bottle. Every time we commit to something but don’t follow through, we are making tiny pin prick in the bottle….

If we let someone down, psh….a little water starts trickling out

if we are late, drip drip….

if we tell a small lie…a little more starts to dribble,

if we are rude, psh….a bit more sprays out onto the floor

….. if we make excuses to ourselves to not write over August (ahem, cough) when we committed to doing so – no. matter. what. …. well you know what happens next…… pshhhhhhhh

And so the water in the bottle slowly empties. By a trickle, but slowly it becomes less and less full. Until we can, eventually begin to believe, we aren’t capable. Those more negative thoughts in our heads gather evidence, ‘negative self talk’, as my colleague likes to call it. The chatter get’s louder. 

They can creep up on us before we realise their strength….Sometimes that means we become uncomfortable, grumpy, not the best of ourselves for those around us. Sometimes it can wreak havoc on our mental health. Sometimes it simply means we go through much of our lives having proved our limiting beliefs to be true. And so never fulfilling our potential, or feeling fulfilled. 

As humans when we commit and we value it, then we show value in ourselves. 

I made a promise to myself. And didn’t follow through the whole time. I’ve noticed. I caught myself. I forgive myself. I am keeping going now. aaaaaand there goes the timer – and now once again I have to be brave. Check for typos and post this. Eeeesh now should I just give up? It is tempting! You guys might actually have read this far….arghhh! Scary. So easy not to bother….!

But no, I have re-committed. Not just to the writing practice, but to BELIEVING IN MYSELF just a little bit more. 

Something we can all do with bolstering sometimes. 

*Worth noting that Robbie’s first book is sited in the first of these blogs, and was the inspiration for this writing practice in the first place

**just realised – ha ha like TBC – I will be ‘To Be Confirmed’ – yes I am consistent!

Joey is a fully qualified Theatre for Development Practitioner and Certified Strategic Intervention (SI) Coach under teachers Tony Robbins, Chloe Madanes, Mark Peysha and Magali Peysha, with 20 years experience in the field of facilitating, training and coaching.