Cute kitten time! We have kittens right now. And they bring so much love and fun (and poo) into our home. We all LOVE them no matter what they do.
It occurred to me this week that they are a wonderful example to us of ‘Level 3’ love.
…Let me explain:
In Human Needs Psychology 3 Levels of a relationship are specified:
Level 1 is where people in a relationship are focusing on what they need, and putting that first.
Level 2 is about an exchange. You believe it is fair that if you are fulfilling your partners needs, then yours should be fulfilled in return.
Level 3 is unconditional love – where you totally just know your partners needs are your needs. Not because it makes you a good person, not because they’ll love you in return – but because fulfilling your partners needs totally brightens every cell in your body. You just LOVE making them feel good – it makes you feel wonderful.
Level 3 comes with CONFIDENCE. Confidence in yourself, confidence that you are able to largely fulfil your own needs. Confidence in who you are. Confidence to love whole-heartedly.
I have never met a couple who stay at level 3 every minute of every day! But being aware of what level you are at is useful. Often couples mostly operate in Level 2, and dip into level 1. Understanding and then rising up and touching Level 3 – unconditional love – playing there regularly – it brings trust, commitment, love, intimacy, passion – and sustains a relationship like nothing else does.
Our cats miaow loudly and whinge, they scratch us – we love them. No matter what. Because to make them purr, cooch up with us and see them happy, it makes our hearts fill up with joy. And that’s what Level 3 is. I’m not saying I love my husband like I do a cat – obviously! But when we manage to reach and play in level 3 that’s the best times we have. THE BEST by far times. And in 21 years we definitely experienced all 3 levels!
If you’d like to have a conversation about how you might access Level 3 in your relationships more often (and it doesn’t need to only be in romantic relationships of course), then DM me or drop me an email. I always open a couple of free sessions every week. So you can get a flavour of what you can achieve embarking on a coaching process.
And I promise I won’t make you cuddle any cats!
Joey Owen - Confidence Coach 